Hello from the chemo suite!

Sorry it's been so long since my last post.  Wrestling the laptop from my 12yr old gamer is always a challenge and when he's not on the computer I tend to be done for the day.  But today they are in school (YAY!) and I'm in the quiet tranquility of the chemo suite.  If it weren't for the IVs beeping... you could almost think you're in a spa; comfy chair, people offering to bring you snacks and drinks, heated blankets (which are the bomb!).  It's a pretty sweet gig! 

We had a great time at the cottage and I thoroughly enjoyed the extra week off chemo.  I feel like my Oncologist must have seen the writing on the wall in my bloodwork because these last couple of chemo cycles have been harder to bounce back from.  More nausea and fatigue than I had before... which just feels frustrating.  I'm also really starting to lose hair which I'm finding more upsetting than I'd have thought.  I'm still able to hide it for the most part and I'm hoping that the break from the one chemo drug (irinotecan) will let some of that grow back.  I'm still getting out to run once the chemo yuk has cleared, but even that is suddenly a lot harder.  Last cycle I found that it was really starting to get me down.  One night when I couldn't sleep I found myself starting to cry and said to Ian "It's really exhausting trying to be OK with this all the time".  In true Ian fashion he reminded me that I don't have to be OK with this; it sucks.  It does suck... but I feel like I can't focus on that because I want to enjoy life the best I can and when I can't find the joy... I try and let it wash through me and move on.  It's a work in progress.

It has also been an emotional couple of weeks for the kids.  The Chadwick Boseman death hit the boy especially hard.  Being 12 and on social media... he heard about it first thing in the morning when the news broke and by the time I woke up he had all the stats.  He knew what age Boseman was when he was diagnosed (same age as I was), he had the staging and the survival rates.... and then he asked me again... "Boseman was stage 3...what stage were you mom?"  When I had to tell him again that it was stage 4, it was like I was telling him all over again that there was no curative plan this time.  I have to admit having Black Panther in your face everywhere you turned felt like rubbing salt in the wound. 


 

I can completely understand why Boseman kept his cancer private.  Living with cancer is just that... LIVING.  There are many cancers who's treatments allow you to go about your life with no visible identifying factors; no hair loss or pallor that are the classic hallmarks of a cancer patient.  Being able to live out the other aspects of your life without the pity looks and the cloud of cancer hanging over you sounds glorious.  Being in a line of work where you could schedule your work around your treatments would be very liberating.  I can imagine it was a logistical nightmare trying to do that and keep it quiet... but well worth it.  

It reminds me of this article that was written after Jack Layton's death.  I've had it bookmarked since 2011 because it struck a cord with me then and has been especially meaningful this year.  I'll leave you with this for now... it is a really good read.



 https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/conditions/jack-layton-didnt-lose-a-fight-he-died-of-cancer/article4250996/



Comments

  1. mdrcand48@yahoo.caSeptember 16, 2020 at 11:17 AM

    Shannon,your a strong Lady,you will beat this,your in my prayers an tucked up in my heart

    ReplyDelete
  2. dubLxSeptember 19, 2020 at 9:14 AM

    You are an inspiration. Wishing you much strength and comfort.

    ReplyDelete

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