July 31st

So I met my July goal... running 200km in the month.  I'll be happy to getting back to running because I want to and not because I have "x" number of km left to run, but I'm glad I did it.  

I also came to the conclusion that it was time to give up trying to work.  I packed up my laptop and dropped it off at the office to a security guard wearing a mask (a strange way to end one's career). It was an incredibly difficult thing to do. I probably shed more tears in coming to this decision and communicating it to my coworkers than I have since getting this latest diagnosis.  In order to stay sane I've had to tell myself that I can always go back.  Otherwise it feels very final. 

That being said... I definitely think it was the right decision.  This chemo brain is no joke... although it makes for lots of laughs.  I signed up for a seminar on managing chemo brain fog... we'll see how that goes.  Hopefully I don't forget to attend LOL.  At least at home, the worst that happens is a bunch of tasks started and not finished...  and the occasional burnt meal (aka the grilled cheese incident of July 2020).

As for next steps in treatment... I had my CT scan on July 29th.  I won't meet with my oncologist to review the results until Aug 17th.  He has told me that if there is something urgent that comes of it they will call me... but otherwise we will stay the course and review it when he gets back from holidays.  Really... it is just a checkpoint to see how all this is working.  If it isn't working at all... that obviously wont be good... but there are still a couple other treatments in the line up.

I believe that I will actually see my doctor in person on the 17th.  This will be the first time I have seen him in person since early March.  Because of covid all appointments have been by phone.  Every time he calls he asks... "so how many marathons this week?".  Last time I spoke to him I gave him my kilometre tally for July and he basically told me that whatever I was doing... keep doing it.  My blood counts have all stayed in the normal range except for my white blood cells which have dipped a few times, but never below the threshold for receiving chemo.  We have been able to stay the course without dose reducing.

So that's where things stand right now.  Next big hurdle will be figuring out what to do with the kids and school in September.  Balancing their mental health and our family's safety will be a struggle with no clear solution.  But that is a decision for another day.

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